In the years that followed, Bart considered this the pivotal moment in his decision to quit pirating and become an Olympic swimmer.

Carl just loves gold doubloons. He loves to toss them up and let them hit him on the head.

Here’s One-Eyed Joe at the annual Pirate Convention. He just loves the chance to unwind with his other pirate friends and learns about new advances in the pirate industry. He also really likes the free samples he gets (like the nifty wooden sword and t-shirt).

This is Boris Ferband, Second mate aboard the dreaded SS Sea Guppy. He hasn’t relaxed his fists in 30 years.